I lost my beautiful Mother and best friend to cancer last Sunday morning. She fought a brave and courageous battle for seven months. I am completely heartbroken and can't imagine life with out her 💔 To complicate things further, due to covid lockdown here in South Australia, we are unable to lay Mum to rest just yet.
Right now I feel numb. Lost.
I spent the last almost five weeks staying at the hospital in a palliative care room, along with my Dad to help take care of Mum.
I did get to spend good quality time with Mum in the early days of our hospital stay, but the last week and few days were horrific and not something I ever want to do again. This was my first real encounter with this disease. Cancer is such a cruel beast.
The sunset below appeared on the day Mum passed away. I am hoping it is a message to say she is okay.
It was stunning!
I have in my possession a blanket that my Mum was knitting. It is all knitted in one piece. She never quite finished it and only had two squares left to go. So the last couple of days I started to finish it off. I have followed the pattern that came with it and completed the last two squares. Now I am sewing the ends in, then I will crochet a nice boarder all the way around. Although nothing fancy, this blanket will mean the world to me.
We went ahead and made arrangements for Mums funeral but it had to be postposed due to the lockdown. Things are a bit up in the air at the moment as to when we can lay Mum in her final resting place.
I am having a bit of trouble adjusting back into my normal routine. My life has been on hold for the past seven months. Hopefully I can get my act together again and find my way back to living life once again.
I am helping take care of Dad. He is doing okay, and back living over the hills on their little ten acre property. Dad has a lot of adjusting to do too. After being married for 63 and a half years, there is a big empty space in his life. My parents always did things together and were almost inseparable.
Rest in perfect peace Mum.
Love you forever and beyond xxx
"You saw me take my first breath, and I saw you take your last."
I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. We're never ready to lose a loving parent at any age. May the Lord comfort you.
ReplyDeleteThank you Gorges. Definitely not ready to live my life without my mum xxx
DeleteI am so sorry for your loss.
ReplyDeleteThank you Tracy xxx
DeleteOh, Tania, I'm so, so sorry to hear about your Mum. It's so hard to lose them. The sunset is like a beautiful salute to her and her life.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much Leigh. That sunset was so special xxx
DeleteSo very sorry for your loss, Tania. So hard for you and your family. May you find solace in your memories and the love that will live on in your heart.
ReplyDeleteTake care,
Meg Xx
Thank you so much Meg xxx
DeleteI’m so very sorry for your loss. Yes cancer is a horrid beast
ReplyDeleteMayb that blanket comfort you. It’s like a hug from your mum.
Thank you Angela. I have almost finished that blanket, and yes it will bring comfort in sad times ahead xxx
DeleteWhat a lovely photo of your Mum Tania - she looks such a fun loving soul. Your loss will be huge for a long time Tania & I think you should give yourself this time to grieve & not worry too much about adjusting too quickly - you will find your way back in your own good time. I nursed my Dad for 5 weeks & watched him die from Liver cancer - it is a hideous disease & so hard to watch. I am sending friendship, love & gentle hugs across the oceans & the miles to you Tania. xxx ❤❤
ReplyDeleteMy mum always smiled, even in her last days, she was still managing to smile. She had such a genuine heart and a smile that matched.
DeleteThank you so much Julie for your support xxx
So sorry you are grieving and then the funeral is up in the air due to lockdown. It's enough to cope with without Covid and lockdowns. Losing a loved one as you say you are just numb and even though you know that they are at the end of their life, it's still a shock when they finally go. Having her knitted blanket will bring you some small bit of comfort for the years to come. Two of my immediate family members, sister and Mum both got different cancers and thankfully they are still here today however it did take a few years to get through their treatments. Thinking of you and hoping you can be with your family soon. Big hugs xxxx
ReplyDeleteThank you Kathy.
DeleteMum will be hopefully laid to rest next Thursday unless covid has other ideas. We are only allowed 50 people so will be a low key, close family affair xxx
Tania, Oh, how I understand your pain. My prayers are with you as this is such a devastating pain. Losing someone during covid brings a whole new aspect to grieving. I lost my dear mom last year, only we couldn't visit her in the hospital because of covid shutdowns even though she didn't have covid and was dying. I'm so glad you were able to be with your mom before her passing. Please be kind to yourself and know that others are praying for and thinking of you.
ReplyDeletePatsy, I am so sorry you had to endure the loss of your mom during Covid and especially not being able to see her. We were lucky here because they allowed end of life care patients to still have visitors although restricted to one or two at a time.
DeleteThank you for your prayers and support xxx
HOw much love and sorrow you have put in this post, Tania. I am so sorry. Cancer is cruel. Much love to you and yours.
ReplyDeleteThank you xxx
DeleteDear Tania,
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry for all you and your family are going through. You and your family are in my thoughts. What a truly beautiful sunset. Treasure your memories. Hold each other close.xx
Thank you so much Jo xxx
DeleteBluey and I are sending big hugs to you.
ReplyDeleteThank you Jane xxx
DeleteOh, how sad. How wonderful that you are finishing the blanket she started. It's beautiful, and so is she. So glad you got to spend time with her during Covid. It's been so challenging for many families in your situation, with the lockdowns.
ReplyDeleteThank you Stephenie, much love to you also xxx
DeleteI have thought of you often over the past months and wondered how YOU were doing. I can imagine the heartache you have at the moment, my Mum passed 12 months ago and I'm still proccessing. Take your time and enjoy every single memory xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
ReplyDeleteIt feels so devastating to lose our Mums, hope you are doing okay? It is truly heartbreaking :(
DeleteThank you Tarnyia for you love and support xxx
A lovely tribute to your sweet mum Tania. I know how hard it is to lose a parent, and our mums are especially dear. My prayers are with you and your dad. I know you will treasure that blanket your mum was knitting. Blessings to you ~ Linda x
ReplyDeleteThank you for your prayers Linda. We really need them at the moment. Mum's are so special in our lives (and Dad's too) xxx
DeleteI am so sorry for the loss of your beloved Mum. It is a huge loss so please take time to grieve and also to spend extra time with your Dad.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much Candace. It is a difficult time right now but I know it will get better with time xxx
DeleteWhat a Beautiful Joyful Lady x
ReplyDeleteSo Sorry for Your Loss Tania ~
Love and Prayers To You And
All The Family x ~ Glad You Have The Blanket There is So Much Love in It x
Thank you so much Fiona xxx
DeleteTania - I am so very sorry to hear of your Mum - I have been down that horrible, terrible road and know exactly what you are going through. I am only now coming up for air - I think. I pray that memories of happier times sustain you in the months ahead.
ReplyDeleteDani
It is truly terrible Dani. So sorry to hear about your loss. We are still in the process of organising the funeral and what complications this covid adds to things. Hopefully Mum will be laid to rest next Thursday, nearly two and half weeks after she passed away xxx
DeleteYour Mum sounds like such a blessing to you and your family Tania
ReplyDeleteA very special lady
What a legacy she has left behind
Prayers for your pain
Prayers of comfort and peace
I feel like I'd love to sit with you and make you a cuppa
Watch you finish off that precious blanket
What a treasure
A heart full of treasured memories
And a blanket lovingly held
Until you see your Mum again xx
Thank you so much for your love and support Joanna.
DeleteMum was laid to rest on Thursday. We were worried it would rain, but it was a lovely day with a bit of sunshine shining on us during the service. We were only allowed 50 people but it all went well. The minister put on a lovely service for her.
I have not had time to take it all in yet. I cry when I think of Mum, but it still feels like she is still here.
I am sitting here tonight crocheting the edge around Mum's blanket, it wont be long and it will be finished. I will definitely cherish this blanket.
You are welcome for a cuppa anytime, it would be so lovely.
I have big shoes to fill now my Mum is gone.
Love Tania xxx
I am so very sorry for your loss. It is hard to lose your mom. Let the grieve come, because it will.
ReplyDeleteIt will take time to adjust to the fact that your mom isn't here anymore. The grieve comes in waves. They come like a tsunami at first, but when time passes, the tsunami of grieve will become waves that roll in time after time.
Losing my mom and dad 8 weeks apart a year ago makes me understand hat you are going through. Please take care.
Thank you Monique.
DeleteSo sorry to hear you have lost both your mom and dad in such a short period of time. So yes you do know exactly what I am going through and your kind words mean so much xxx
Stay safe and I'm thinking of you.
DeleteSo sorry for your loss, Tania.xx
ReplyDeleteThank you Jennie xxx
DeleteTania, the loss of a beloved Mother is truly hard to bear. I am so sorry that you lost your Mother to the cruelty of this disease. I know that pain all too well. You have been, and continue to be in my thoughts. Some days you will just want to wail with the injustice of this loss, and it will take time to heal. Let the healing come at its own pace, when gentle memories will replace the unrelenting sorrow. Sending loving hugs to you at this sad time. Mimi xxx
ReplyDeleteThank you Mimi, you kind words mean so much xxx
DeleteOur thoughts and prayers are with you, your Dad and family. Love from Lisa and family xo
ReplyDeleteThank you so much Lisa xxx
DeleteI am so sorry for your loss. I am glad you were able to have a funeral service for her. I am so fortunate to still have my parents alive, but I do know their days are numbered as they are not getting any younger. We need to appreciate them all the more while they are still with us.
ReplyDeleteHello there Gill, so lovely to hear from you again.
DeleteMums illness was such a shock and in seven short months she was gone. She did not let on if she knew something was not right, and last year everything seemed normal to us all. Well at least we thought so. Mum was fit and healthy and enjoying life to the fullest like she always did, then BAM on New Years Day she took ill. It was a battle of survival for the following weeks and months as this cancer was so aggressive. Mum did not get time to organise or sort out things before she went because she was so ill, so everything has been left up to me to try and sort out for Dad, because he has no idea! He is missing mum terribly as we all are.
One day at a time is all we can do.
So true about appreciating them all, for one day they will be taken away from us.
xTania
Sorry to hear about your mum Tanya. You will think of her and miss her everyday as I do with my gone mum. Cancer is a horrible cruel disease as you said. Best wishes, prayers and thoughts your way
ReplyDeleteKarna
Thank you Karna, so sorry to hear you have lost your dear mum also. They are very special people in our lives, and are very much missed forever and a day when they are gone.
DeletexTania